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Retard Rules !

redbenjoe - 2008-04-02 21:09

this is a story about a real bad dude --its long and not real pretty --but, stick around -- perhaps he 'gets it in the end'. ----
_________________

7 AM -wake up to check my email --
see a PM from a like-minded s2g friend/competitor:

"ha ha loser -- you missed it -- i got it--
a mint c100f for $300 BIN -- you su-k "

not the way we box collectors want to start our days Smile

extra pissed -- decided to get even -screw folks
-7:15 AM--
called up a local ad for :" late husbands stereo collection for sale "

an old lady answered - sounded like a dumb redneck -- i asked if she had any boomboxes there --she said "not sure -but there are about 20 big things with cassettes"
i was so polite - asked if it was too early to visit right now -- she said fine----

i get there -- it does not take columbo to see that she is frail, poor, all alone and stupid.
in fact -- in the first few moments --she gets 3 bill collector calls --

the entire house is full of old beat up furniture -- but piles of mint stereo stuff -
she said her husband left her with nothing but all these items "he was fond of collecting"

in one brief glance i see about $8,000 in box grails , including 2 NIB c100fs.
i asked her how much for these 20 'cassette things' ? and said "nobody ever buys these cassette players anymore"

she said -- gee, i have no idea ---
and she shows me her empty fridge and her electric bill --then she said the magic words that some of us love to hear --
"you look like an honest young man --how much are they worth ?"

she said that $300 would really help her out -
i said the 20 boxes were worth only $200 in total -- "but here- take my $240 -- its all i have -- and now i want you to have it"

she said -- thank you kind sir -

then -- just for the jollys -- i went into my bad back act -- she said -- oh poor dear - you rest - i will load your car -- i pointed to my orange pacer out front --
and chuckled as she struggled to fill them to the top !!

she took so long - that i had time to bundle a few new packs of her camels
---and to slip a few of 'my' twenties back out from her pile Smile

-----continued shortly----

alow1 - 2008-04-02 21:16

Go on...

vladi123456 - 2008-04-02 21:19

So far pretty misterious, but entertaining Smile

oldskool69 - 2008-04-02 21:35

Allright! A**hole with a twist! Can't wait for the next part! Big Grin

redbenjoe - 2008-04-02 21:42

thank you Laugh Out Loud

8:55 AM -- SO HAPPY -- my only care in the world is that i cant see out of any of my windows --
--but was lucky to notice my local goodwill store had no waiting line and was ready to open --

i am first inside - rush over to 'the spot'-
buts its the usual nothing but VCRs, etc --

all ready to leave -- except i hear some clang,bang , crash ---i see this retard kid --
pushing an overloaded giant basket --
he has price tickets falling out of every pocket-
and he runs over my shoe !! he apologizes--

"i am so sorry sir -this is my very first day"

his rolling cage is full of all the normal goodwill crap -- cups, toys etc etc --
but at the very bottom --there lies the great surprise of my life :
4 (yes four) NIB M90s --

Mr. helpful chap that i am --i help him to place all the crap on the shelves-- we finally get to the 4 M90 cartons --and he says --

"gee -these things are so big and heavy -- i have no place left to put them --would you like to buy one -- how much are these worth ?"

i say "well nobody buys these cassette things anymore --but i will take them all for ten bucks each "
he said OK --and i slipped $50 in his top pocket -said "no receipt-OK?" --
he smiled --"thank you kind sir"

even more lucky for me -- my buddy with the pick-up truck lives 5 minutes away --so i told the retard to leave them all in the cart till my ride comes --

----continued shortly ---

redbenjoe - 2008-04-02 22:08

continued ---

i go outside for a joint and to call my truck buddy on the cell --i am the happiest man on the planet -

UNTIL --i see thru the window -- 2 orderly looking gentlemen -- they were standing right next to MY cart -- i rush in --
and notice one guy has a nametag "manager" ---
the other guys nametag reads " Mr. OH-SO-GOOD "

Mr. OH-SO-GOOD speaks ::
" gee Mr. manager -- i have wanted to buy a JVC M90 for all of my life
but i never could afford one -- and i sure would want to buy one of these --but i just dont have the funds --these 4 boomboxes may be worth about $10,000 -- and i suggest that you bring them all over to our local ebay store to get the maximum proceeds "

the manager seemed so thankful as he rolled my cart away --

i go to look for the retard with my 50 bucks --but they said -- "he just quit -and drove away in some godawful orange pacer"

_____________

my cell rings -- its my buddy -
"hey dude- can you bail me out --i just got arrested for DUI on my way over "
--(it was 9:30 AM !)

------------continued shortly----

redbenjoe - 2008-04-02 22:42

theres more ---

after a 2 mile walk --to my bus stop (uphill in a downpour) --
i finally get to sit down and cry-- my joints were all wet --no help there-

while waiting -- i notice a few photos on the back of yesterdays soggy newspaper ::

the first picture - i recognized the old lady i ripped off earlier-
the story: " FBI warns -- old lady and grandson pose in abandon houses -- to sell stolen electronics "

the other picture was her grandson -- THE RETARD

______________

finally --an hour late -- the bus arrives-

i get in - and just cant believe --that the driver is operating his video camera while speeding in traffic --
he whips around the first corner --

and i see my pacer -
its empty ,its abandoned and its out in the middle of the street -

of course -- the driver never saw it -
crushed it fubar --kept driving

and said "some loser must have left that pig out there to collect the insurance"
(i had no insurance)

--a few moments later -- the drivers cell phone rings --and he starts to look so very gleeful --

as i heard him respond --
"OK - firm deal --four M90s --you want $400 , a 12-pack and a chick -- YOU GOT IT -
meet ya out behind goodwill after work "

--the end--

- 2008-04-03 01:30

quote:
Originally posted by redbenjoe:

finally --an hour late -- the bus arrives-
i get in - and just cant believe --that the driver
is operating his video camera while speeding in traffic --
he whips around the first corner --
and i see my pacer -
its empty ,its abandoned and its out
in the middle of the street -
of course -- the driver never saw it -
crushed it fubar --kept driving
and said "some loser must have left
that pig out there to collect the insurance"
(i had no insurance)
--a few moments later -- the drivers cell phone rings
--and he starts to look so very gleeful --
as i heard him respond --
"OK - firm deal --four M90s --you want $400 ,
a 12-pack and a chick -- YOU GOT IT -
meet ya out behind goodwill after work "
--the end--


Well i have never hit a car and kept going --
Nor have I been to Goodwill --
$400 I wish I had extra --

oldskool69 - 2008-04-03 06:01

You ought to write a book! Laugh Out Loud "The Tall Tales of Redbenjoe" or "What Ira Really Treats People Like!" Laugh Out Loud

redbenjoe - 2008-04-03 06:02

Smile
james -just goofin
oldskool - that WAS the book !

sinister - 2008-04-03 07:41

so did you get your car fixed? Confused

vladi123456 - 2008-04-03 07:56

quote:
Originally posted by redbenjoe:
continued ---

i go outside for a joint and to call my truck buddy on the cell --i am the happiest man on the planet -


Ira, be honest - did you smoke that joint BEFORE or AFTER you saw those NIB M90s?? Laugh Out Loud

oldskool69 - 2008-04-03 07:58

He's smoking right now and will be indisposed for a while. Once he has had enough he will once again be able to "see" those NIB M90's! Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud

redbenjoe - 2008-04-03 08:03

sin --the orange pacer was totalled Laugh Out Loud

vladi --speaking of "honest"
--------there was a not-to-subtle moral to the story -- but perhaps nobody got it -- yet Smile

any guesses ??

erniejade - 2008-04-03 08:10

quote:
there was a not-to-subtle moral to the story



Happy late Aprils fools day?

redbenjoe - 2008-04-03 08:12

nope Laugh Out Loud

masterblaster84 - 2008-04-03 08:22

I don't think Ira was smoking guys, that was LSD. I think Ira was trying to get in touch with the 70's by turning up his oldest boomer and sampling the specially enhanced sugar cubes.
Laugh Out Loud

sinister - 2008-04-03 08:33

dont f**k people over?

baby.boomer - 2008-04-03 08:48

quote:
Originally posted by redbenjoe:
there was a not-to-subtle moral to the story -- but perhaps nobody got it -- yet Smile any guesses ??

All's well that ends well?
You can't always get what you want?
What goes around comes around?
The end justifies the means?
The early bird catches the worm?
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?
Curisoity killed the cat?
There's more than one way to skin a cat?
Don't bite the hand that feeds you?
Never look a gift horse in the mouth?
You reap what you sow?
I wouldn't join any organization that would have me as a member?

Confused

masterblaster84 - 2008-04-03 08:55

quote:
Originally posted by SINISTER:
dont f**k people over?


I Agree

F*** somebody over and you will get F****D. Big Grin Or something like that anyway.

redbenjoe - 2008-04-03 09:08

well - guess it wasnt so subtle Smile
Sinister and MB and got it on the very first try --and BB came oh so close Laugh Out Loud

sinister - 2008-04-03 09:17

Big Grin Cool Razz Nod Yes

oldskool69 - 2008-04-03 11:10

quote:
Originally posted by redbenjoe:
well - guess it wasnt so subtle Smile
Sinister and MB and got it on the very first try --and BB came oh so close Laugh Out Loud


Well that moral to the story was obvious. What wasn't obvious was the YOU of ALL PEOPLE were trying to give us a moral object lesson!Laugh Out Loud Or equipped to!Laugh Out Loud

redbenjoe - 2008-04-03 12:20

well - actually -- not THAT obvious-- the hidden 'moral of the story'---

had everything to do with MR OH-SO-GOOD--

dont forget -- while all these scumbag characters are plotting for their SCORES --
MR. OH-SO-GOOD is so extremely honorable --
that he walks away from FOUR cheap NIB M90s--

because he just cant afford the 'legit' price -and he does not want to see his goodwill store get anything less than a fair deal-

---i will admit that i may not have re-acted in the exact same fashion of MR.OH-SO GOOD --

and will be in great praise of any member(S) who
would/could be so angelic --

ANYONE HERE like that ???? Smile

oldskool69 - 2008-04-03 13:53

That would be me and I've proven it!Laugh Out Loud

Knowing Skippy was ripping me off for the Vector he sold me, I could only feel sorry for him as I knew he needed the cash for his Toshiba CS-880U plus restoration cost and could not even afford ramen noodles or pay his rent due to the massive investment he already made in that piece of crap!Laugh Out Loud He was drowning in a sick addiction. He needed help. That CS-880U was like a bad drug. I think even the feds may get involved.Laugh Out Loud

So...being the forgiving person I am and evaluating the circumstances, especially after seeing a photo of himBig Grin...I went ahead and paid him for the Vector. He could have been on his way to a halfway house. Now at least he can make it halfway to Burger King.Big Grin I consider it a charity buy!Laugh Out Loud

vladi123456 - 2008-04-03 17:17

Ira, I keep reading the topic of this thread, and I'm getting more and more confused. Does your topic mean *Rules for retards*? Or you're talking about somebody in particular? *Retard rules* as in "Vladi kicks ass"??? Laugh Out Loud

skippy1969 - 2008-04-03 17:29

I'm not retarded,how did I get it this mess? Razz You must be retarded Oldscool!!!! You said you paid me too much for the Vector. Your the one who made me an offer. Now I'm laughing all the way to the.....Ooopppss,now I forgot where I was going. Oh yah,and another thing, it's an AIWA CS80U not a Toshiba you goofball!!!! LOLOLOL!!!! Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Razz Heres me at work you duh!
quote:
Originally posted by oldskool69:
That would be me and I've proven it!Laugh Out Loud

Knowing Skippy was ripping me off for the Vector he sold me, I could only feel sorry for him as I knew he needed the cash for his Toshiba CS-880U plus restoration cost and could not even afford ramen noodles or pay his rent due to the massive investment he already made in that piece of crap!Laugh Out Loud He was drowning in a sick addiction. He needed help. That CS-880U was like a bad drug. I think even the feds may get involved.Laugh Out Loud

So...being the forgiving person I am and evaluating the circumstances, especially after seeing a photo of himBig Grin...I went ahead and paid him for the Vector. He could have been on his way to a halfway house. Now at least he can make it halfway to Burger King.Big Grin I consider it a charity buy!Laugh Out Loud
Me at work!!!!!

oldskool69 - 2008-04-03 17:52

I see you've sobered up temporarily! And that you were paying attention! Laugh Out Loud (I knew it was an Aiwa, just didn't appear you were to sure, I took you at your word, you said you saw two center speakers. And you don't argue with those who are hallucinitory!Laugh Out Loud Thus a CHARITY BUY! Laugh Out Loud)

skippy1969 - 2008-04-03 17:57

LOL!!!!!!! your a crazy nut man!! Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Big Grin

redbenjoe - 2008-04-03 18:46

you guys get even more off-topic than i do Laugh Out Loud

---for those who have lost track --
i am trying to discover if we actually have any real honest-to-goodness members here --who would respond EXACTLY like MR. OH-SO-RIGHT --when faced with that chance to 'score' a score on a bunch of NIB M90s ?

anyone ? Smile

oldskool69 - 2008-04-03 19:07

OK. Honest on topic answer...

YES I WOULD! It would be the right thing to do. Or at least make a hefty donation to the charity running the thrift store. We all know that poeple go trolling thrift stores and such to find items to sell on Craigslist or eBay to make a huge profit. Thrift stores aren't in the antique business and thus don't keep appraisers around. Plus they would look real silly trying to sell an in the wild M90 for a thousand bucks to people to whom a thousand bucks is what they earned in two or three months. So, having that knowledge, I would do the fair thing for them to because of the overall good they do for the community. Smile

Tadaaaa! ON TOPIC! Razz Laugh Out Loud

skippy1969 - 2008-04-03 19:15

quote:
Originally posted by oldskool69:
OK. Honest on topic answer...

YES I WOULD! It would be the right thing to do. Or at least make a hefty donation to the charity running the thrift store. We all know that poeple go trolling thrift stores and such to find items to sell on Craigslist or eBay to make a huge profit. Thrift stores aren't in the antique business and thus don't keep appraisers around. Plus they would look real silly trying to sell an in the wild M90 for a thousand bucks to people to whom a thousand bucks is what they earned in two or three months. So, having that knowledge, I would do the fair thing for them to because of the overall good they do for the community. Smile

Tadaaaa! ON TOPIC! Razz Laugh Out Loud
I Agree Nod Yes

redbenjoe - 2008-04-03 19:54

THANKS --i am so sincerely GLAD that you guys would come thru like that --

particularly because there are so many "BIG SCORE"
celebrations on this site --

and i so often feel sorry for the poor dumb 'retard' or the trusting old widow --

who really need the money -- but obviously have no clue as to what a 25 year old boombox may really be worth --

it would be so difficult for most of us to come up with anything near the truth -- when people want to trust us -- and say "just offer what its worth"

-----anyhow -- its great to learn that we are much better than just 'score' people--

i am a big s2g fan--- Smile